When we think of forgiveness, the first image that might come to mind is a heartwarming moment of making up over tequila shots, makeup sex and smiles. Maybe even throwing in some tears with an apology, a hug, or the promise of a fresh start. But as I’ve grown and navigated relationships of all kinds, I’ve come to understand that forgiveness isn’t always about mending what’s broken. Sometimes, forgiveness is about granting yourself the freedom to walk away.

Forgiveness is often mistaken for condoning or forgetting but let me be the one to clear that up, it’s so much deeper than that. At its core, forgiveness is a gift you give yourself. It’s a process of releasing anger, resentment, and pain so they no longer hold power over you. This release can be transformative, it’s a way to reclaim your peace, even if the relationship itself doesn’t survive.

Forgiveness Is for You, Not Them

In my own life, I noticed a repeated pattern with the people around me. When they come to me for advice, I see they all struggle with the idea that forgiving someone means inviting them back into their space or rather keeping them in their space. Thinking: “If I forgive, doesn’t that mean we’re good again?” I’ve learned that forgiveness doesn’t require staying in a situation that continues to disappoint you. In fact, forgiveness often works hand in hand with boundaries. I used to be more lenient but now that I have a daughter, I play zero games. Don’t fuck with momma bear.

Listen, someone’s actions repeatedly undermine your well-being, forgiveness can mean acknowledging their bullshit while still deciding to prioritize your own. You’re allowed to say, “I forgive you for what you did, but I’m also choosing not to let it happen again.” Walking away isn’t a failure of forgiveness babe it’s an act of self-respect.

Forgiveness and Accountability Can Coexist

A critical piece of forgiveness is understanding accountability. Forgiving someone doesn’t erase the need for them to take responsibility for their actions. It’s not your job to absolve them or carry their guilt. Instead, your role is to free yourself from the emotional weight of their choices.

I’ve found peace in holding two truths at once: I can forgive someone for hurting me, and I can hold them accountable by choosing to protect my energy going forward. This duality allows space for healing without compromising your values or self-worth.

The Power of Letting Go

One of the most profound lessons I’ve learned is that forgiveness is more about letting go than holding on. I don’t know, maybe that’s just the Aries in me. To me, it’s about releasing the grip of the past so you can fully embrace the present. This doesn’t mean forgetting what happened; instead, it’s about freeing yourself from replaying the pain over and over in your mind. You literally cannot walk around carrying dead weight on your mind and heart.

In the past, when I’ve walked away from relationships, I’ve often felt guilt wondering if leaving was a sign of unforgiveness. But what I’ve realized is that letting go is sometimes the highest form of self-love and by stepping away, you’re giving both parties the chance to grow and heal, even if it’s apart.

Forgiveness as a Journey

Forgiveness isn’t a one-time event; it’s a journey. There are days when the pain resurfaces, or when anger feels easier than understanding. That’s okay. Healing isn’t linear. What matters is the intention behind your actions, to seek peace and to honor your worth.

If you’re navigating the waters of forgiveness right now, remember this: forgiving someone doesn’t mean you’re weak. It also doesn’t mean you’re excusing their behavior. And it doesn’t mean you have to stay. Forgiveness is about releasing yourself from the chains of the past, so you can walk forward in freedom, with or without them.

Your peace is worth it. And sometimes, peace begins with the courage to let go.

Xoxo, Drea