Let’s start by addressing something that gets romanticized too often: the “angry boyfriend/girlfriend” & “I like my men mean.” You know, the ones who crash out when things don’t go their way, silence treatment for hours, or lashes out because they “just care so much.” I need to be real with you babe, this behavior isn’t cute. It’s not a sign of passion, and it’s definitely not something to brush off. More often than not, what we’re seeing is unaddressed emotional regulation issues that might even stem from an undiagnosed condition like AUTISM.

Now, before we go any further, let me make this clear: this isn’t about diagnosing people from the sidelines or making excuses for bad behavior. Accountability is essential, regardless of someone’s neurological makeup. But we need to have a deeper conversation about how a lack of understanding—both by the person and their loved ones—can lead to breakdowns in relationships.

Understanding Emotional Regulation and Autism

Anger and frustration are common in people with autism, especially when they’re dealing with sensory overload, unmet expectations, or struggles with communication. For many, emotions don’t just come in waves—they hit like tidal waves. Without a diagnosis, medication or the tools to process these feelings, they might lash out in ways that feel confusing or even hurtful to the people around them.

Imagine being in a relationship with someone who seems to overreact to things that feel small to you. They can’t explain why they’re so upset, and you feel stuck trying to guess how to make it better. Over time, that frustration can turn into resentment on both sides.

Diagnoses Are Bridges, Not Labels

So, why does it matter? Listen, it’s not just for the person with autism but for everyone around them. A diagnosis isn’t a label meant to box someone in; it’s a bridge to understanding. It gives people a language to articulate their needs and behaviors and helps their loved ones learn how to better support them.

If your partner is undiagnosed and you’re noticing patterns that make it hard to connect, encourage them to explore the possibility with a professional. It’s not about changing who they are but about giving both of you the tools to communicate and thrive together.

It’s Not Just Romantic Relationships—Siblings Need to Know Too

This doesn’t just apply to our partners. Families can get caught in the same cycle of confusion and frustration when a sibling is autistic, but no one has put a name to it. If you’ve ever been in a family where one sibling is labeled “difficult” or “dramatic” while others are left in the dark, you know how much tension that creates. Whew.

Telling siblings that their brother or sister is autistic isn’t about making excuses; it’s about helping them understand! When kids (and adults!) know what’s going on, they can start to see the person through a lens of compassion instead of frustration.

For example, if a sibling knows their brother struggles with loud noises or sudden changes, they’re less likely to take it personally when he snaps during a chaotic family dinner. They might even be able to help advocate for him, like suggesting quieter alternatives or giving him space to decompress.

Breaking the Cycle of Misunderstanding

At the heart of this conversation is a simple truth: we can’t show up for people properly if we don’t understand what they need. Again, diagnoses aren’t about putting people in boxes—they’re about unlocking doors to better communication, stronger relationships, and healthier dynamics.

So if you’re dealing with an “angry boyfriend/girlfriend” or a sibling who always seems “on edge,” don’t write them off as difficult. Have the courage to ask deeper questions. Encourage them to seek answers for themselves. And most importantly, educate yourself about what might be going on beneath the surface.

Because at the end of the day, love—whether it’s romantic, familial, or platonic—can only thrive in a space where understanding and compassion are allowed to grow.

Xoxo, Drea