Why is it that when women have children, every ex they dodged swears that should’ve been yall baby? Delusional.

Let’s talk about it, friend. We’ve all heard the stories or maybe even lived them about the ex who comes back around, all polished and promising, claiming they’ve done the work. They’ve changed. They’ve grown. And while that’s cute and all, there’s something we don’t talk about enough: what if you’ve changed too?

The truth is, people can absolutely change. Growth is real, and I’ll always root for someone who’s genuinely trying to evolve. But what happens when the person they’re coming back to isn’t standing in the same place they left them? Because if we’re being real, healing and growth aren’t just about doing the work it’s also about outgrowing what no longer fits.

Spinning the Block: A Love Story?

There’s a reason the phrase “spinning the block” has become so popular in recent years. The idea of someone realizing what they had and trying to come back can feel romantic. It’s that big movie moment where they’re at your door with flowers, making promises that this time, it’ll be different.

But life isn’t a movie babe.

When someone from your past resurfaces, it can be tempting to compare who they are now to who they were then. And maybe they really have changed. But the question isn’t just, “Are they better?” It’s also, “Are they better for me?” Because the person they’re chasing now isn’t the same person they left behind.

Growth Looks Different on Everyone

Here’s the thing: the version of me they’re spinning the block for doesn’t exist anymore. She was sweet, she was patient, and she was a little too forgiving. But the woman standing here today? She’s bold. She’s clear about what she deserves. And she’s not about to compromise her peace to squeeze someone into a chapter they were never meant to be a part of.

And let’s not forget that sometimes “growth” is surface-level. Just because someone says they’ve changed doesn’t mean they’ve done the deep, uncomfortable work of confronting their patterns. It’s one thing to say you’ve healed but it’s another thing entirely to show up differently.

When the Love Feels Familiar, but the Vibes Don’t Align

Familiarity can be dangerous. Just because someone feels like home doesn’t mean they’re your home. Sometimes, what feels like chemistry is just unresolved history.

Spinning the block might come with sweet memories and shared laughs, but it can also come with old wounds and unspoken resentments. And if you’ve done the work to heal, why reopen a chapter that nearly broke you?

The Fairytale vs. The Reality

I get that there’s something so tempting about the idea of a redemption story. The ex who realizes your worth, does the work, and comes back better. But here’s the plot twist no one warns you about: just because someone’s changed doesn’t mean they’re the one.

It’s okay to close the door, even when they come back knocking with good intentions. It’s okay to choose your peace over potential. And it’s okay to walk away from a love that no longer aligns with who you’ve become.

My Final Word

People can change, and I’m proud of anyone who’s doing the work to grow. But what I’ve learned is that my growth isn’t about waiting for someone else to catch up it’s about honoring the woman I’ve become and honoring my worth.

So, to anyone spinning the block and hoping for a fairytale ending: I wish you well. Growth isn’t just about becoming a better version of yourself; it’s also about recognizing when someone else’s chapter in your story is over.

It’s ok to say, I’m not the same woman you left behind. I’ve changed too…

Xoxo, Drea