My child school has urgently shut down for the remainder of the week so I guess our weekend starts today.

I just find it crazy that American women get so much heat for wanting a financially stable partner. Friend, we live in America—the land where everything has a price tag. Rent? Sky-high. Groceries? Don’t even get me started. Daycare? Might as well be another mortgage. Actually, it is! And yet, the moment a woman says she wants a man who can hold his own financially, suddenly she’s a gold digger, shallow, or “not bringing enough to the table.”

And let’s talk about that table for a second, shall we?

I’ve had several conversations with men who say, “Well, a woman needs to bring a bag to the table, too.” And listen, I get that. Nobody wants to feel like they’re carrying the weight of a relationship solo. But let’s be real—nine times out of ten, Black women already are.

Black Women & the Bag: The Reality Check

Statistically speaking, Black women are more likely to out-earn Black men. In 2021, Black women earned 64 cents for every dollar that a white, non-Hispanic man earned, according to the National Women’s Law Center. Meanwhile, Black men earned about 75 cents on that same dollar. The economic gap is real, and when you zoom in on gender dynamics within the Black community, you see that Black women are increasingly becoming the breadwinners—whether they want to or not. Let me throw you some more facts outside of my opinion because we’re not tussling today.

A 2019 Pew Research study found that nearly 80% of Black mothers are the primary or sole breadwinners in their households. That’s not just a trend friend; that’s a whole cultural shift! So, when a Black woman says she wants financial stability in a partner, it’s not about “chasing a bag.” It’s about wanting relief from being the bag’s only carrier.

The Double Standard of Stability

The real tea is, when men say they want a woman who “holds her own,” they’re praised. When women say they want a man who’s financially stable, they’re criticized. Why is that?

Men have historically been expected to provide—it’s ingrained in society right? But now that women are making more money, the narrative is changing. Some men feel threatened by it. A lot of them are in their soft eras and want equality and do not care to acknowledge the ways Black women have been carrying entire households for fucking decades.

The truth is, most women don’t mind contributing. What we do mind is carrying the entire financial load while also being expected to cook, clean, take care of kids, look good, fuck good, offer emotional support—while asking for nothing in return. Not even a little visit to Cheesecake Factory lol

Ok Final Thoughts, Das it Das all

Financial stability in a partner isn’t about being materialistic friend; it’s about being realistic. We live in a country where financial stress is the number one cause of divorce. Stability isn’t just about luxury—it’s about peace. It’s about knowing that if life throws a curveball, you’re not the only one standing there trying to catch it.

So yeah, I want a man who’s financially stable. Am I bringing anything to the table? Guess what… I own the fucking table. I just don’t want to be the only one setting it up, serving the meal, and cleaning up afterward. I’m a lady lol. I promise you if it goes how it suppose to go, my man will trick but I will probably always trick bigger.

Xoxo, Drea