This one is for my 36th birthday. A letter to myself, and maybe to the little girl in me too.
Turning another year older has me feeling all of the things. I’m grateful, tender, a little broken open, and a lot more aware. Currently packing for a trip and I started to think about how I’m leaving my baby behind for a few days. Motherhood has made me look at everything differently, especially the way I was loved, the way I still long to be seen, and the way I show up now for my daughter, and for myself. This isn’t about blame or bitterness. It’s about being honest. And honoring every feeling that rises to the surface.

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Lately, I’ve been moving through a quiet kind of sadness. The kind that whispers in the moments I least expect, like when I’m going through my daughter’s nighttime routine. When she lays in her crib, turns the pages of her book, and listens as I read to her. When she reaches for me to say her prayers, and in that moment, it just feels like I’m her whole world.

And maybe it’s the fact that my birthday is tomorrow—36. This slow, steady walk into my mid-thirties has stirred something in me. A deeper awareness. A tender ache. A need to sit with the parts of my story that still feel unfinished.

I’ve been reflecting a lot on the relationship I have with my parents. I know I’m deeply loved by both of them, undeniably so. But sometimes I wonder if being loved and being appreciated are the same thing. And if they’re not, why does it leave me feeling so unseen sometimes?

But here’s the twist: the more I sit with that sadness, the more I feel something else rising, gratitude friend.
I’m in full tears right now because I am so fucking thankful. Thankful for the love I was given. Thankful for the chance to see things differently. Thankful for the opportunity to give my daughter something softer, more present, more intentional.

Maybe this is what healing looks like.
Not choosing between sadness and gratitude but holding space for both and letting them exist in the same breath.

And in doing so, I think I’m learning to appreciate myself in all the ways I’ve longed for from others.

This birthday, I’m not just celebrating getting older friend, I’m celebrating getting closer to myself. And that, to me, is everything.

Here’s to healing. To softness.
And to being the kind of woman—and mama—I always needed.

Xoxo, Drea

✨ P.S.

If you felt this post and want to send me some birthday love… I’ll never say no to a coffee☕💚 $lanaybxoxo